It has been an interesting few years that have led me to this point. I am currently on full medical disability from having epilepsy. I have dealt with this from the age of 14, but it wasn't really an issue until two years ago. I had seizures before, but they were fairly well controlled with medication. That all changed fairly dramatically. I went from a few major seizures a year (very easily to deal with) to several a week.
Between the seizures themselves and the drugs prescribed to try and control them, I lost most of who I was. One of the things taken from me was my ability to read, to reason, to write. All of which were things that I valued highly and took for granted.
In the last few years, I have essentially become homebound. Unable to drive, unable to hold a job and unable to retain more than a few thoughts together in my head. It has been a humbling experience. I was very egotistical about my intelligence and about my ability to think. I prided myself in my IQ and my love of reading. I remember thinking very clearly about how that would be the worst punishment for me. Not incarceration or even loss of limbs. The worst punishment I could think of was to not be able to read. Seems a bit ironic now. Those abilities were stripped from me and it has been a bit of a journey to regain them and him be the first to admit that I'm not who I was before.
As of today, my days consist of making sure I stayed awake all day long, making sure that I exercise, making sure that I go through the checklist of getting the chores done that I want to and more increasingly that I read more and more difficult things.
This has been the test that I've given myself over last few years. I would read things of varying difficulty and if I could remember them then that was a sign of improvement. It started off with children's books and then if could remember them, I progressed to reading young adult novels and then to harder novels and nonfiction. The challenge was not that I was able to read but that I was able to retain that information.
I had the same vocabulary and ability to read, just not retain it or often, even comprehend it. My children joked that I really only needed two books and two movies. I only needed two of each because by the time I finished one of them regardless of the difficulty, I was ready to start the other because it was brand-new for me. My ability to hold things in my short term memory was very very compromised. I could remember things from five years ago without difficulty but I would often forget to zip up my pants.
I can quote a line from Shakespeare that I read 20 years ago, but I have no idea what the plot is of the book I read last year. I am still re-reading things that Amazon says I read on my Kindle last year, but have no memory of.
So, this blog is about that journey. Some of the posts will be about whatever I am thinking about, since that is all I do anymore. Some of the posts will be links to articles that I find fascinating at the time. My fingers don't always work the way they should anymore and so I use Dragon Naturally Speaking. Voice type has come a long ways, but it still isn't perfect.
Feel free to call me out on spelling mistakes or grammar issues, I know I've done my share of both and won't hold it against you.
Thanks for reading,
Scott
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